Potato-Chip Baby
'Your Mother, Your Mother, Your Mother'
The title of this entry is a quote from one of my former psychiatrists. "Look at this. (glances at her watch) It's been a half hour and it's nothing but your mother, your mother, your mother."
So, you can guess what my dream Sunday morning was about.
My mother.
Nothing too bad, considering the things I could dream about my mother.
In my dream, I was at a hospital and me, Mom, my sister and my ex-boyfriend were sneaking around, on some covert mission. The goal was to get to the roof. We went into this empty employee break room and they found access to the roof (or, one level of it, there were more floors above us) from the windows.
So, my sister and mom proceed to the roof. I stay inside and just watch them from the safety of indoors.
In (awake) life, I'm not one to pass up excitement, and actually, enjoy spending time on the roof of my workplace. But, although it was a bright, sunny day, and the consequences didn't feel dire, I did not join them.
My sister eventually came back in, and the two of us just watched Mom out there. She was near the edge a lot and it made me nervous, but I did nothing to try to get her to safety. I just let her be.
This is symbolic because for the last 12 years, and especially for the last 15 months, teatering on the edge is exactly how I would describe my mother's life. And up until the last 15 months, I have tried to bring her back from the edge. And 15 months ago, stopped trying. And now have even looked away from the window altogether.
